Feel it baby!

       How many times have we heard, "Oh, don't feel that way!", or "Suck it up"? People seem to be so afraid of emotions and feelings that many of us spend all of our energy trying to control our feelings.  I believe it's important to feel whatever you're feeling. I mean, really feel it - get down and dirty with it - and then let it go. No more wallowing!
If you need to, have an all-out tantrum! Yup, call on your inner two year old and let it fly. Of course, if you are going to do this, I recommend doing it in a safe place where you will not hurt yourself, items you cherish or alarm others. Get on the floor, kick and scream. Cry if you want, rip up some paper. Whatever it takes to get it out.
This may sound silly, but it really works. Think about it. Almost all of us have witness a child have a tantrum. What happens after? They usually rest a bit and then are happy again and moving on to the next thing. They aren't hanging on to any resentments or anger. It's done. Over. They got it out instead of suppressing it. Tap into your inner wisdom that knows this and go for it!

Let's face it; the times that you gain the most knowledge, wisdom and experience is when the chips are down and life seems to suck. 
Knowing this makes it much easier for me to deal with whatever is going on. I can experience any event in my life knowing that it's just that - an event.  The event itself does not define who I am; my response does. All events in our lives are learning opportunities, and it's up to us to get the most out of it that we can. Root into the depths and relish the highs. 

I'd love to hear your stories, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment. To your transformational enlightenment ~ Bo

Forgiveness: The How

1      Here are some steps to help you forgive:

1.            Acknowledge - Acknowledge what happened and how you felt at the time you were hurt. Look at the ways those same feelings show up in your life today and how it's affecting your ability to live a happy, successful life.

2.            Seek to Understand - Oftentimes understanding someone's motivation, problems or sickness can help you to forgive and let go. Perhaps they were hurt the same way as a child and they have learned this behavior, or maybe they are trying to mask their own insecurities.   

3.            Find the Gratitude - In every event there is a learning opportunity. What did you learn from this event? Perhaps you discovered how to stand up for yourself or that you want to take their poor behavior as an example of what not to do. Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this awful experience. This will require you to look at the event from a completely new angle - the positive side. See if you can identify at least 10 positive outcomes of this experience. Keep them somewhere where you can remind yourself of the positives when you are feeling negative.

4.            Be compassionate with yourself - If you've ruminated over this problem for a long time, changing this pattern can take some time, too. You may find yourself slipping back into the old pattern from time to time. Don't beat yourself up over it; just acknowledge the slip and move on. Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. Allow yourself to mourn what could have been and then give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally. Eat well. Rest. Focus on the natural beauty in the world. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions and process them. Don't bottle up the pain.

5.            Decide - It's a sad fact that everyone is not trustworthy. Painful memories can serve to protect us from future hurts. It can enable you to see the same untrustworthy traits in other people who come into your life so you can use caution and possibly avoid getting hurt the same way. You get to decide whether or not that person should be in your life. If you choose to allow them in, take the time to carefully rebuild mutual trust. You can forgive someone without having any interaction with them. This option should be used if that person could cause you further harm or presents a danger.

6.            Karma - Know that karma is a beautiful thing and takes care of itself. The only person whose karma you have control over is your own. Wishing bad things on people only serves to damage your own karma. If you can't bring yourself to love the person who hurt you, work on loving the learning opportunity they brought into your life.

7.            Visualize - Use visualization techniques to aid in your forgiving and letting go.

Example: Get in a quiet, calm place. Close your eyes and visualize the person standing in front of you. Know that they cannot harm you in any way. In this state tell them everything you have every wanted to tell them about how they hurt you, the effect it had on your life, and fully express your anger, fear and resentments. Once you are done expressing yourself in this fashion give them the opportunity to apologize for their actions (It's okay if they don't respond, just pause for a moment). Tell them that you are now ready to forgive them and let go of the negative ties that are binding you to them. Picture a cord that is tying you together. Now cut the cord and allow them to leave your space.

Another example: Get in a quiet, calm place. Close your eyes and visualize the person standing in front of you. Know that they cannot harm you in any way. Surround them in a bubble of love (usually this shows up as a pink bubble for me, but if yours is a different color that's okay, too!). Say, "I release you with love" and watch them float safely away surrounded in love. 

I'd love to hear your stories of forgiveness, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment. To your transformational enlightenment ~ Bo

Forgiveness, Part 2

"Forgiveness is not about condoning what someone did, it's about accepting that the past couldn't have been any different." - Oprah Winfrey. You don't need to like the person you forgive, you don't need to become friends with them. You just need to forgive and let go. Festering can become an infection that overtakes your whole being until it begins to kill off your soul.
The word is easy to say, and yet the act can seem so difficult to do. Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character and compassion to forgive. When you forgive you release yourself from a painful burden.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone what happened or even that the person should be allowed back into your life.
It means that you have made peace with the pain and are ready to let it go. You forgive other people because forgiving them helps you to heal yourself and move forward in your life. Forgiveness is an essential part to healing your past and all of your relationships.    
Forgiveness isn't even about whether the person you are forgiving deserves it or not. It's really about you. What do you want? To be stuck in "Victimville" or even "Survivorhood" for the rest of your life? Or do you want to get the best revenge possible and live a long, happy life? If you choose the second option, then you must work on forgiving.

I'd love to hear your stories of forgiveness, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment. To your transformational enlightenment ~ Bo

Forgiveness, A Path to Healing

1   "Holding on to past events, anger, hurts and being unwilling to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die." - I've seen this quote attributed to several different people like Carrie Fisher, Debbie Ford and some say it is an old Buddhist Proverb. Whomever said it, it is a definite truth! Hanging on to that nasty stuff only hurts you...no one else.  
Depending on what you are "holding on to" this may seem like an insurmountable task. If you can't feel like you can't forgive the person who committed the transgression, then start with you. Yes, you. No matter what happened, my personal experience with myself and others has shown me that some part of you blames YOU. "If only I had...", "I should have...", etc. This erodes your self-trust and inner power. How do you forgive yourself? There are several ways.
If you meditate you can put yourself in a meditative state and take yourself back to that part of you that was hurt and tell yourself whatever you need to say - "I'm sorry.", "I forgive you", "I love you".
Another way you can start to work on that is to do an Active Imagination session with that part of yourself. Find a quiet place, get a piece of paper and pen. Use your first initial to mark it as you and write the conversation. Example:
B: I call upon the part of me that represents my 9 year old self. Are you here?
LG (Little Girl): Yes.
B:Thank you for coming. I want to talk to you about what happened.
LG: That was scary. I don't want to talk about it.
B: What can I do to make it safe for you talk about?
LG: Don't make me re-live it.
B:I promise I will not make you re-live. I just want you to know that it was not your fault and I forgive you.
LG: But if I hadn't been there...
B:You had no idea that would happen. You did nothing wrong.      
And so on until you feel the conversation is complete. Or, you can always see a healer, coach, counselor or therapist to assist you in this healing. For me, I found that doing all of these (because it often takes more than one thing to fully forgive and let go) worked the best.  
I'd love to hear your stories of forgiveness, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment.  
To your transformational  enlightenment ~ Bo