1 Here are some
steps to help you forgive:
1. Acknowledge
- Acknowledge
what happened and how you felt at the time you were hurt. Look at the ways
those same feelings show up in your life today and how it's affecting your
ability to live a happy, successful life.
2. Seek to Understand - Oftentimes
understanding someone's motivation, problems or sickness can help you to
forgive and let go. Perhaps they were hurt the same way as a child and they
have learned this behavior, or maybe they are trying to mask their own
insecurities.
3. Find the Gratitude - In every event there
is a learning opportunity. What did you learn from this event? Perhaps you
discovered how to stand up for yourself or that you want to take their poor
behavior as an example of what not to do. Make a list of the good things that emerged
as a result of this awful experience.
This will require you to look at the event from a completely new angle - the
positive side. See if you can identify at least 10 positive outcomes of this
experience. Keep them somewhere where you can remind yourself of the positives
when you are feeling negative.
4. Be compassionate with yourself - If you've ruminated over this problem for a
long time, changing this pattern can take some time, too. You may find yourself
slipping back into the old pattern from time to time. Don't beat yourself up
over it; just acknowledge the slip and move on. Extreme emotional pain has a
profound effect on the body. Allow yourself to mourn what could have been and
then give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally. Eat well. Rest.
Focus on the natural beauty in the world. Give yourself permission to feel the
emotions and process them. Don't bottle up the pain.
5. Decide - It's a sad fact that everyone is not trustworthy. Painful memories can serve to
protect us from future hurts. It can enable you to see the same untrustworthy
traits in other people who come into your life so you can use caution and
possibly avoid getting hurt the same way. You get to decide whether or not that
person should be in your life. If you choose to allow them in, take the time to
carefully rebuild mutual trust. You can
forgive someone without having any interaction with them. This option should be
used if that person could cause you further harm or presents a danger.
6. Karma - Know that karma is a
beautiful thing and takes care of itself. The only person whose karma you have
control over is your own. Wishing bad things on people only serves to damage
your own karma. If you can't bring yourself to love the person who hurt you,
work on loving the learning opportunity they brought into your life.
7. Visualize - Use visualization
techniques to aid in your forgiving and letting go.
Example: Get in a quiet, calm place. Close your eyes
and visualize the person standing in front of you. Know that they cannot harm
you in any way. In this state tell them everything you have every wanted to
tell them about how they hurt you, the effect it had on your life, and fully
express your anger, fear and resentments. Once you are done expressing yourself
in this fashion give them the opportunity to apologize for their actions (It's
okay if they don't respond, just pause for a moment). Tell them that you are
now ready to forgive them and let go of the negative ties that are binding you
to them. Picture a cord that is tying you together. Now cut the cord and allow
them to leave your space.
Another example: Get in a quiet, calm place. Close
your eyes and visualize the person standing in front of you. Know that they
cannot harm you in any way. Surround them in a bubble of love (usually this
shows up as a pink bubble for me, but if yours is a different color that's
okay, too!). Say, "I release you with love" and watch them float
safely away surrounded in love.
I'd love to hear your stories of forgiveness, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment. To your transformational enlightenment ~ Bo
