To set or communicate a boundary you can use this script as a guide:
"If you ______. " Fill in the blank with a very specific description of the person's behavior that you need to set a boundary around.
Example: "If you continue to stay out past the time we agreed upon...."
"I will ______." Fill in the blank with the action you'll take if the boundary is violated. Your action is based on values and needs.
Example: "I will change your curfew to one hour earlier."
"If you still continue _____, I will_____." Fill in the blank with actions you'll take to make sure the boundary is followed.
Example: "If you still continue staying out past the agreed-upon time, I'll will take away your car privileges."
This makes it clear to all parties involved and therefore easier to define and acknowledge when the agreement is broken. Because if a boundary that was clearly communicated and agreed upon is crossed, then an agreement was broken.
I'd love to hear your stories, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment.
To your transformational enlightenment ~ Bo
