The drama triangle has three roles: the victim, the rescuer, and the persecutor. The glue that binds these roles together is lack of personal power and unclear personal values and boundaries; people don’t know who they are or where they end and another person begins. Any perceived boundaries become blurred because the person continuously jumps from one role to another to another and so on.• The victim is a person who feels helpless, blames others, and feels sorry for herself: “If it weren’t for my boss, I’d be __________________(rich, happy, successful).” By blaming others the victim surrenders her power, which is what keeps her feeling helpless and powerless.
• The rescuer is a person who takes care of everyone else. Oftentimes this is a child of an addictive family who feels it is her responsibility to solve the family’s problems and take care of the addict. Within the role of rescuer is the victim consciousness.
These two roles are most often where the codependent person falls or jumps back and forth the most. The victim and rescuer are naturally attracted to one another and thereby perpetuate the codependent relationship with one another. The rescuer is constantly trying to “fix” the victim, which results in the victim feeling even more helpless and eventually even resentful. In turn, this resentment can bring about a role reversal, wherein the victim becomes the persecutor.
• The persecutor persecutes the rescuer, and then the rescuer becomes the victim. Persecutors can be physically, emotionally or sexually abusive; they may persecute by withdrawing love, sex, or money. They usually are very passive-aggressive and use guilt as a way to control and manipulate others. Interestingly enough, then the persecutor feels pity for the victim and moves to the rescuer position. The victim resents feeling helpless and having to be rescued and begins to persecute the rescuer. The triangle takes on a life of its own, and off they go... forever stuck in "Victimville" and unable to find their way out.
I'd love to hear your stories, struggles or questions. Feel free to comment.
To your transformational enlightenment ~ Bo
